Lots on my mind

Hey you… so we talked yesterday for the first time in a week… maybe more and uh.. it was nice to hear your voice again… i know it was because i got angry about the thing my brother did but after i said what i had to say… its like the anger went away right away.. as per usual… you’re always gonna be able to calm me down huh! Then we talked… how we miss each other… and how stuff is going… not too many details.. we’ll keep that for when its time to catch up… i’ve been holding on to hope everyday… i’ve been sober a lot more recently, which has been helping a lot with control over impulsively reacting… so its easier to contain myself.. i’m able to work harder and think smarter… i realised a lot aswell… about you, about us… about what i did wrong, and how i could have avoided it all… i’m mad at myself. I should have seen it that drugs we’re becoming a problem during the summer… i was taking more and more and more everyday making everything worse for myself… and my emotions were getting out of hand, i was confused, i was losing touch with reality you know…? And … since i’ve quit .. and i have been doing way better.. i’m coming back fast… i’m remembering what i liked doing, and i’m getting into old passions again and planning stuff for my life for how i want to plan everything, what i want, future projects… some of it is also hope for you.. dont get me wrong, i dont need you, but once all my projects are done and everything is set for what i need… i’ll be holding onto the hope that you’ll be back someday🤷🏻‍♂️ until then, i still got lots to do! I worry about you a lot too tho.. i can feel you, and i know you are having a hard time with it all right now.. and until you’re basically 18 and outta there, they are responsible for your happiness.. and they suck at it… i wish i could help:( if you still feel shitty today, u can always call me and we can talk.. u can let it all out, and open up or you can just talk to me and let me calm u down🤷🏻‍♂️either or is fine, and if you still dont want to thats perfect too. Its just… ur on my mind… and i dont like when you feel this way🥺 stay safe, ily.

-B